Never Deeper

A new beginning for me.  Being deep in a black hole with a heavy cover over my head has humbled me.  I am a good person.  But I am not perfect.  Being hurt is a selfish thing.  That's why I was in the hole.  It's not fun there.

When I considered my choices, I could either remain in the hole and not progress, risking my very image to become tarnished with rust from pride, at the same time losing sweet eternal relationships that I know would kill me to live without.  Or, I could forget myself and try my hardest to imagine myself in their shoes, hoping for their perspective.  When you have children, you would run in front of a speeding truck to save them from hurt.
 
The speeding truck was coming, and as hard as it was to face, I was driving.  This was gently impressed upon me by one of my own.  There was confusion because of what they understood from my actions.  I didn't see it.  And because of my natural inability to communicate, along with a motherly perspective, it makes more sense now.  If I didn't step on the brakes  to understand their perspective, it would hit us all.  The choice was obvious.

I hope my children know that I would run in front of a speeding truck to save them from hurt.  Hopefully I have learned my speeding lesson and remember the sickness I feel.  It would literally kill me to know I had a hand in their turning their back on me.  Please forgive my idiosyncrasies.  I have a new perspective and a new beginning, thanks to swallowing my pride.  And like a new found cleanse, I long to change my ways for good. . . for them.

Two talks that make a lot of sense:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/forgiveness?lang=eng