:)

Life is a blessing.

Love / Hate relationship with the skin Dr.

Last Monday I had a skin appointment . . . again.  It had been on the calendar for a while.  When the Dr. said she wanted me back in 3 months, I was a little relieved.  She was knowledgeable to the signs of trouble sooner than I.  Having three surgeries on my neck in one summer a couple of years ago, it was obvious I needed more attention than just my own diagnosis.

I was actually counting the days until my appointment, not because I loved going so much, but I had developed one for sure spot on the back of my calf that seemed to pop up overnight.   When I pointed it out, she kept saying, "Oooooo".  Then she turned toward her new ipad technology and scribbled away saying, "How about we do a biopsy?"  She continued to go over skin I could not see, until she got to the back of my thigh, and again I heard, "Oooooo".. (she really does have ex ray eyes!).  Then before I knew it she was taking photos of my marks and had me down for two biopsies; one on each leg.  If I could have run away I would have.  Is there a violation for that?  Oh, the times like this when I wished I could have run.  But I stayed, and they "doctored me up".

On the way out, she told me it would probably take two weeks for the results.  Great. That'll be fun.  Right during our cruise.  Does it get any more fun than that?

It's been a week.  I have babied my little abrasions.  All the while remembering flawless skin in days of yore.  I cringed to think what was in store. . . The phone rang a few minutes ago.  I was surprised to hear the voice of the nurse, since I thought I had another uninterrupted week to go.  In that split second, my worries kicked in and I convinced myself that my flaws were so bad, another week would be too late!  But I swallowed hard, composed myself, and tried to sound unfrazzled.

 "The results from both of the biopsies are benign", she said. (If I was a nurse or doctor, delivering that kind of news would be the favorite part of my job!)  I stuttered as I tried to tell her I had expected the worst.  "Did I make your day?"  she laughed.  I replied with emotion, "Definitely!"  She has no idea the new life line she threw me! 

Today I am a new person with a couple of healable imperfections.  And a sweet gratitude for blessings I don't deserve. 

memorable movie quote

(I just didn't want to forget this.  I think about it a lot.  From  "God is Not Dead")

Mark: You prayed and believed your whole life. Never done anything wrong. And here you are. You're the nicest person I know. I am the meanest. You have dementia. My life is perfect. Explain that to me!
Mina's Mother: Sometimes the devil allows people to live a life free of trouble because he doesn't want them turning to God. Their sin is like a jail cell, except it is all nice and comfy and there doesn't seem to be any reason to leave. The door's wide open. Till one day, time runs out, and the cell door slams shut, and suddenly it's too late.

Never Deeper

A new beginning for me.  Being deep in a black hole with a heavy cover over my head has humbled me.  I am a good person.  But I am not perfect.  Being hurt is a selfish thing.  That's why I was in the hole.  It's not fun there.

When I considered my choices, I could either remain in the hole and not progress, risking my very image to become tarnished with rust from pride, at the same time losing sweet eternal relationships that I know would kill me to live without.  Or, I could forget myself and try my hardest to imagine myself in their shoes, hoping for their perspective.  When you have children, you would run in front of a speeding truck to save them from hurt.
 
The speeding truck was coming, and as hard as it was to face, I was driving.  This was gently impressed upon me by one of my own.  There was confusion because of what they understood from my actions.  I didn't see it.  And because of my natural inability to communicate, along with a motherly perspective, it makes more sense now.  If I didn't step on the brakes  to understand their perspective, it would hit us all.  The choice was obvious.

I hope my children know that I would run in front of a speeding truck to save them from hurt.  Hopefully I have learned my speeding lesson and remember the sickness I feel.  It would literally kill me to know I had a hand in their turning their back on me.  Please forgive my idiosyncrasies.  I have a new perspective and a new beginning, thanks to swallowing my pride.  And like a new found cleanse, I long to change my ways for good. . . for them.

Two talks that make a lot of sense:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/forgiveness?lang=eng